Humility

I am so amazed by my own humility and tolerance over the past 2 weeks. Never did I flare up despite everything that happened, in fact I tried so hard to keep myself positive and bear with whatever nonsense that was happening. I’m glad that I have allowed myself to be immune to these nonsense and carry on with my day to day activities.

Of course I should be thankful for the intervention. Without you, I am still in deep shit with my handphone being bombarded by nonsense people asking for nonsensical things. I should blame it on my own incapability and not being able to handle the situation, but I am sure it’s also too much for a newbie like me to handle.

Maybe it’s God’s plan or just coincidence, some opportunities seems to start knocking on my door, showing signs of where I should go next. Of course there had been so many false indications, but this time seems like there’s “someone” telling me to step into the uncharted waters and chase the dreams I have. Therefore, I have drafted my next step and hope that I can stay by this course as something tells me that the time is not ripe yet. So a reminder to myself… HANG IN THERE!!

Going solo

Thanks to somebody’s influence, I went on a solo overseas trip, back to a place where I am quite familiar – HCMC, Vietnam.

I did not enjoy this trip as much as I did with my band mates, probably due to a number of factors:

• I did not have a partner to talk cock with
• Reading Tuesdays with Morries reminds me of many things
• bad planning, with nothing on the itinerary

It’s not all disastrous as I managed to do some shopping/bargaining and met up with a good friend there. The main highlight of this trip is probably the trip to Cao Dai Temple and Cu Chi Tunnel. Being very conservative, I do have many opinions about the temple and the religion, but I guess I have to learn to take it as another cultural experience. The pain of the trip is probably the boredom, long bus rides and headache. The headache happened twice throughout this trip, which I suspect it’s due to sleeping in the sitting position for long hours.

I tried to take some pictures with my 3MP camera phone, but it turn out quite bad.

After this trip, I guess I have not brought back anything other than some of the bargains from the market and liquor from the DFS. Of course, I did many reflection on life during this period, thanks to Tuesdays with Morries, but I guess there are many things that I still yet to thing through.

So lesson learnt… hopefully, next trip will be a better one…

 

Should I continue this?

It has been quite a while since I last wrote something on this… I used to bitch a lot here.. and tell people about how I feel and stuff.. You probably wouldnt see these anymore.. Maybe because I prefer to keep things to myself these days… afterall, my own problems will still be mine after sharing, and only I can solve it… Therefore, I have made the resolution that I shall keep all the unhappiness to myself…

For those that know me, the amount of unhappiness that I have to bear for the past 1 year seems unbearable, but I am still surviving.. self-pitying is useless.. all I will do these days when I think of something sad would be letting out a big sigh and tell myself to move on.. So for those that are constantly unhappy over many many things.. always complaining about many many people… and can’t find happiness in life anymore… try my method.. it works for me (sometimes)..

There are still many other things I can post on this blog, which I am still trying to define… maybe I should pick up a new hobby like photography and share it here with the rest of the world? or should I share with you all the places I have been to, and interesting things I have done? I don’t know… let’s see how things will go about…

Changed World

Many things have changed ever since I last posted. The change in my life is quite drastic that I find it difficult to cope at times. I pretty much live in silence these days, which is both good and bad. Good that I can spend more time thinking and doing, but bad when I think so much sometimes that I can’t stop. In any case, the earth still spins and my days still pass. I still leave my life to the One who created me.

Sin of Sadness

I suddenly felt the urge to find out what’s today’s devotion on Our Daily Bread. To my surprise, Sadness can be classify as one of the sins too!!

I guess I must have sin a lot these days… being upset over so many things that is happening around me. Sometimes, I really wish I can be alone, sitting by a river with nobody around me, listening to the sounds of nature… At times, I wish to get out of this familar place and to a country that nobody knows me, nobody to call me… Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be in a cold country, wearing thick clothes and walking by a snowing street alone? This is where I want to be right now…

Well, my life still have to go on… I wish I have something to look forward to each day…

Vroom Vroom Vroom…

Finally, I got my act together to book for my driving lessons, after 8 years since I reached the legal age. Yes, I am taking private lessons. Not from school, I will tell you the pros of it later.

I attended my first driving lesson last Monday at Ubi. I am sure many of you have heard of the terrible traffic situation with many cars. Yup, it’s confirmed. Plus the sides of the roads are full of parked cars which make the 2 lane road narrower. During my first lesson, the instructor patiently explained to me the theory of the car and stuff, but I am the impatient one that just hoped that he can just quickly finish his stuff and let me start the engine.. haha.. Sitting there for an hour in the driver’s seat and twisting my body to the side to face him is a chore man, makes my back ache. Finally, after an hour and 15 mins, he told me to start the engine and go. I was quite scared because I have never gone on the road before. So I started the engine and stepped on the accerlator and move off, it was quite bumpy since I wasn’t used to the paddles that are so sensitive!! His feedback for me was that I press my accelerator and brakes too hard, causing the car to jerk a lot. Luckily, I managed to drive 1 short trip back to the coffeeshop beside the driving centre safe and sound. It was certainly exciting.

My next few lessons were on Tues, Wed and Fri. I am trying to pick it up quickly, to have a good basic before I take it slow. By the next few lessons, I am driving more and more, with him occasionally helping me to steer the wheel in order not to get too near the other cars on the road. I can testify that driving on the busy road is certainly more exciting and provides better training. The instructor’s comment was that Ubi has a higher passing rate because the testers will give more chance when driving on a busy road. Well, I am not sure about that, but it certainly makes you a better driver since you can get to meet more situations.

Singaporeans are very impatient drivers. I get so many horns because I cannot turn in time, moving too slowly, stalling on the roads and etc… Come on.. I am just a learner, give some chance…

Tomorrow will be my next lesson. Hope that everything will go well..

Counting down to HK

2 more days to HK. Not very excited.

Probably because I am not enjoying the preperation in order to bring a functional band there. Till now, the performers are still not competent in delivering a good show and not displaying any urgency to practise harder.

On the brighter note, I’m going to a place where I have never been before!! The furthest I flew to would be Vietnam. Now, going to a place with a much cooler and maybe dryer climate, I am scared that I will be frozen or my skin be too dry that it cracks.

I am looking forward to the food there. My diet programme will have to be delayed once again, so that I wouldn’t miss out any good food. The legendry roast duck, egg tart, roast pork and so much more =) I guess I have to promise to really watch my diet and exercise once I’m back, else by the next time I meet up with the doctors and dietian, they will probably blast me for not losing weight.

Looking back at the past year, I have accomplished quite a lot of stuff. Managed to complete my degree and NS. However, I have yet to find a full time job, driving licence and a goal for the next year. Also, I feel that I have lost much command and control, compared to before.

Alright, this is probably the last post for the year. Merry Christmas in advance and happy new year. May all your wishes come true!!

Renewed loan

3 weeks ago, I borrowed 2 books, a first aid manual and a product design handbook which explains all the general terms in designing world, from Toa Payoh library. I have always known myself to be a slow reader which resulted in my dislike for books. However, I thought my dislikes has slowly evolved for the better since I have read many boring papers, therefore braving myself to challenge these books.

Well, nothing has changed, my dislikes for books is still there and after 3 weeks, I have only read through a third of the design handbook and browse through the content of the first aid manual. Luckily, renewing of the loan is just a click away, and some more FREE!!

Now, I have 3 more weeks to continue the two third of design book and complete the first aid notes that is required for the BB badgework. A lot more to go.. haiz..

Where has all my time gone to?

I have been busy lately, not very busy, but just not enough time to do the things I want to do or need to do. To most people’s knowledge, I am suppose to be unemployed and should have all the time in the world to look for a job, so why am I still busy and short of time?

These days, my time passes quite fast. I usually start my day (aka wake up) around 2pm, have my lunch, watch some TV. Before I know it, it’s evening and I am starting to feel a bit sleepy. If I should succumb to the temptations to sleep, I will wake up around 8-9pm to take my dinner. Thereafter, I will sit in front of my laptop doing the usual routine, which is check email, facebook, play a few facebook games, and sometimes play either Civilisation 4 or Plants vs Zombies. It will be till midnight before I start to get my act together to do the things I need to do, such as reply emails, do some planning for BB. After a few hours of boring stuff, I will switch on the TV to watch HK dramas and maybe Discovery or History Channel. Finally, I will head to bed at around 5.30am after waking Dearie up for work.

I suppose some of you might envy my life being so carefree and relaxed, but I don’t really like the life I am leading now. I do have plans for what I need to do, and it requires lots of discipline and determination to do it. Day by day, I will do bit by bit. There are some progress, but not good enough.

I would rather have a job right now, have a fixed routine on when what I need to do, then go home to relax or go out with friends to spend my day away. It seems more meaningful.

Also, I am now the defacto person to do BB stuff since I am suppose to be very “free”. I kind of hate this responsibility. When I am busy with school work, I have to do BB stuff, when I am suppose to be looking for job, I still have to do BB stuff. Then when can I own my own time? I could have just walk away and heck care about anything that is assigned to me, but I still have this responsibility in me that tells me that I shouldn’t. I envy those that doesn’t have this sense of guilt and responsibility, makes them a better man don’t they?

Whatever the case is, I am into what I need to do. God help me to be a better man and not procrastinate anymore.

Commitment

For the past half an hour, I have taught to myself what commitment is and this is the definition that I have came up with.

Commitment is the promise that you make to yourself to stand by the decision you have made when you first believed in it.

Some committed themself because of passion, some because it is what they want to do. To others, it may be an obligation that they should do it since they have been involved for quite awhile. However, many do not understand what commitment is. It’s not about it bringing happiness to your life, and leaving it while there’s something that crops up. You have to be responsible to your commitment, else it will not be a commitment.

For me, it’s all about joy. The joy of looking at God’s work.